At a crossroads...

For the past week I have been stressed...more stressed than usual...

 

 Stress is not good for me or the life that is growing inside me nor is it good for the relationships with the people I love most in the world - my husband and my daughter...

 

The major cause of this stress is work...in particular my boss, his unrealistic expectations and his constant penny pinching ways with respect for not paying me for all the work that I do (he's not the only one with a family to feed!!)...

 

So I'm at a bit of a crossroad...do I stop work now to try to nurture what's left of my sanity so that I can be calm and in control for my family or continue to bust my guts for the next few months for a man whom will not appreciate an ounce of effort that I put in to earn a few bucks before the birth of baby #2?...

 

My head and heart both scream "Get out NOW!!" but in the back of my mind I'm thinking "Nobody's work is perfect", "I've only got to last another 4-5 months", "Will I feel lost or guilty that I'm not working while I know my husband works his bum off at work and not always under the best conditions"...

 

I'm meeting with my boss in the morning...

 

I have asked another senior adviser to sit in on the meeting as in the past he has said things in the moment that satisfy me but never followed through (I'm sure he never had any intention of following through)...so having her as a 'witness' makes me more comfortable....

 

I do not want to be confrontational...I do not like confontation...

 

I need to stand up for myself...

 

I need to feel calm...

 

I need to be healthy...

 

I want to be happy again...

 

I guess there are two distinct paths and I need to choose one...money or happiness...

 

Of course I know that leaving my job now will not eliminate all stress from my life and will probably introduce a new set of issues, such as living on a reduced budget but I'm chasing a simple kind of beautiful right!?!  Less trying to please others who are never satisfied an more time injecting myself into what's important (i.e. my family, my home, myself) may be just what I need...

 

I know which way I'm leaning but stay tuned for the next installment...